A Child’s Perfect World vs. Adult Realities

As a child, like most kids, I saw the world through rose-coloured glasses. Everyone seemed honest, kind, and genuinely well-intentioned. I genuinely believed that people always came from a place of love and fairness. Maybe it was because my parents shielded me from harsher realities, wrapping me in a cocoon of protection, or perhaps they were so involved in my life that I never had to face the world’s complexities alone. It was not until my late 30s that the penny dropped: not everyone around you has your best interests at heart. Friends, significant others, neighbours, or colleagues—some may have motives that are not as pure as I once assumed.

This realization was a bit scary. It is unsettling to realize that you are surrounded by people who may not have your best interests at heart. But here is the silver lining: when you are prepared, you can turn these situations into opportunities for growth and positivity. As someone wise once told me long ago, “People will get away with what you let them get away with.” That stuck with me, and it has become a cornerstone of how I navigate life.

Learning to Set Boundaries

Early in my career, I worked as a retail manager, and it was then that I truly learned the art of setting boundaries and expectations. My husband jokingly calls it “being bossy,” but let us be real—it is about being assertive and ensuring people respect what is acceptable. Setting boundaries is not about being unkind; it is about protecting your peace and guiding interactions toward mutual respect.

Growing up, I always assumed people had the best intentions, but as I matured, I realized that intentions and perceptions are shaped by one’s experiences, upbringing, education, and environment. (Check out my article on perceptions for a deeper dive!) Some people might deceive or lie because that is the world they are familiar with. Our job is not to judge but to equip ourselves with tools to recognize these behaviours, navigate them wisely, and, when possible, steer others toward a better path.

Four Situations Where Boundaries Save the Day

Let us examine four real-life scenarios where setting boundaries is crucial, each from a distinct aspect of life: home, work, friendships, and family.

At Home: The Overstepping In-Law

Scenario: Your mother-in-law drops by unannounced, rearranging your kitchen and offering unsolicited parenting advice.

Boundary: “I appreciate your care, but I would love for us to plan visits in advance so we can enjoy our time together fully. Also, I am comfortable with how we manage our home, but I am happy to chat about ideas!”

Why It Works: This acknowledges her intentions while clearly stating your needs, preserving family harmony.

At Work: The Credit-Stealing Colleague

Scenario: A coworker takes credit for your project idea in a meeting.

Boundary: “I am glad you liked the idea I shared last week. I would appreciate it if you could mention my contribution next time so we can all get recognized for our work.”

Why It Works: It is direct and professional, setting an expectation for fair credit without escalating conflict.

With Friends: The Chronic Canceller

Scenario: A friend repeatedly cancels plans at the last minute, leaving you feeling undervalued.

Boundary: “I love spending time with you, but last-minute cancellations make planning tough. Let us set up something when you are sure you can make it.”

Why It Works: It communicates your feelings and fosters reliability while preserving the friendship.

With Family: The Guilt-Tripping Sibling

Scenario: Your sibling guilt-trips you into lending money you can not afford.

Boundary: “I care about you, but I can not lend money right now. Let us brainstorm other ways to help you out.”

Why It Works: It shows empathy while firmly declining, redirecting the conversation to solutions.

Recognizing and Responding to Tricky Situations

In today’s world, especially here in Canada, we are constantly navigating situations where people might try to deceive or manipulate—whether it is a phone scam targeting your finances or an email phishing attempt. These skills are vital for protecting ourselves and teaching our kids (I am a proud mom of two!) how to do the same. As an Eastern European, I joke that we are born questioning everything—life taught us to trust sparingly, and it is a skill I am passing on to my children with a smile.

Here are four common situations—gaslighting, lying, false narratives, and scams—along with tips on how to recognize, approach, and respond respectfully.

Gaslighting

What It Is: Someone makes you doubt your reality, e.g., “You are overreacting; that never happened.”

Clues: You feel confused, second-guess yourself, or apologize excessively.

Questions to Ask: “Can you clarify what you mean by that?” or “Why do you think I am misremembering?”

Approach: Stay calm and trust your memory—journal incidents to track patterns.

Response: “I see things differently, and I am confident in my perspective. Let us move forward respectfully.”

Book Tip: The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook: Healing From Emotional Abuse by Amy Marlow-MaCoy LPC—a must-read for understanding and countering gaslighting.

Lying

What It Is: Someone deliberately misleads you, e.g., a colleague claims they finished a task they did not.

Clues: Inconsistencies in stories, vague details, or defensive body language.

Questions to Ask: “Can you walk me through the details?” or “How did that happen?”

Approach: Focus on facts and verify information independently.

Response: “I noticed some discrepancies. Let us clarify the facts so we are on the same page.”

Book Tip: You Can't Lie to Me: The Revolutionary Program to Supercharge Your Inner Lie Detector and Get to the Truth by Janine Driver—great for spotting deception cues.

False Narrative

What It Is: Someone spreads a misleading story about you, e.g., a neighbour claims you are unfriendly.

Clues: Gossip reaches you, or people act differently around you.

Questions to Ask: “I heard this story; can you share where it came from?” or “What is your perspective on this?”

Approach: Address the source directly and correct the narrative with facts.

Response: “I have heard this narrative, and it is not accurate. I would appreciate it if you could help clarify the truth.”

Book Tip: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone—perfect for handling tough talks.

Scams

What It Is: Fraudulent attempts to steal money or information, e.g., a fake CRA call demanding payment.

Clues: Urgency, threats, or requests for personal info via unsolicited calls/emails.

Questions to Ask: “Can you provide a case number?” or “Why was not this sent officially?”

Approach: Pause, verify through official channels, and never share sensitive info.

Response: “I will verify this with the official agency. Please send details in writing.”

Book Tip: Fighting Phishing: Everything You Can Do to Fight Social Engineering and Phishing by Roger A. Grimes—a handy guide for scam prevention.

A Real-Life Scam Story

A few years back, when the CRA scam was rampant, a friend called me in a panic. She had received a call claiming she owed the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) thousands and faced arrest if she did not pay immediately. She was ready to transfer the money but called me first. Thank goodness! I walked her through the scenario: Why would the CRA call without prior written notice? What are the odds of an arrest for a first-time issue? We checked the official CRA website, called their verified number, and confirmed it was a scam. She was relieved but shaken.

This taught me the power of rational thinking. When faced with a suspicious situation, slow down. Ask: What is the likelihood of this happening? Does the process make sense? Walk through the scenario logically, and you will often spot red flags. For example, government agencies never demand immediate payment via gift cards or wire transfers. Trust your gut, verify independently, and stay calm.

Tips for Navigating Tricky Situations

• Trust Face Value: Especially as women, we often make excuses for others’ behaviour, reasoning, “They did not mean it.” Sometimes, people are that direct. If someone disrespects you, take it at face value and address it. Do not overcomplicate their motives.

• Pause and Reflect: Before reacting, take a moment to breathe. Ask yourself, “Does this align with reality?” This prevents emotional hijacking.

• Verify Facts: Cross-check information, whether it is a colleague’s claim or a suspicious email. Use trusted sources.

• Practice Assertive Language: Use “I” statements, e.g., “I feel uncomfortable when…” to express needs without blame.

• Document Patterns: Keep notes on repeated behaviours (e.g., gaslighting incidents) to build confidence in addressing them.

Why These Skills Matter in Lancaster and Beyond

In 2025, we are no strangers to scams and deception. From phone calls claiming you have won a prize to emails phishing for bank details, the threats are real. These tools are not just for avoiding scams—they are for thriving in a world where not everyone has your best interests at heart. As a mom, I am passionate about developing these skills to model them for my kids. They are watching, and I want them to grow up confident in navigating life’s challenges.

My Eastern European roots give me a playful edge here. We are known for questioning everything—call it a survival skill from growing up in a world where trust was earned, not given. I laugh about it now, but it has made me resilient, and I am teaching my kids to blend that skepticism with kindness.

Empowering Yourself and Others

Self-development in perceiving people and situations is not about becoming cynical—it is about seeing clearly while staying true to your values. Whether it is setting boundaries with a friend, spotting a scam, or addressing gaslighting, these skills empower you to protect your peace and guide others positively. They are the glow-up we all need to shine brighter in Ancaster and beyond.

So, lovely readers, let us commit to growing wiser every day. Pick one tip from this post—maybe practicing assertive language or reading You Can't Lie to Me—and start today. Share your stories in the comments; I would love to hear how you are navigating your glow journey!

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